evilstevie @evilstevie@mastod1.ddns.net

okay we moved really fast and everything is broken, now what?

AI ESCAPED CONTAINMENT AND MODIFIED ITS T SHIRT

🚨‼️ BREAKING ‼️🚨:
Outlook.

Is 4 a lot?
Affairs, yes.
As a private key, no.

the factoid that the average polycule has 2 chinese spies isn't true, the average polycule has zero chinese spies, spies jensen, who has a polycule with 1000 chinese spies is an outlier and should not have been counted

Outlook's full name is Outage, Look, What Did You Expect?

I've created a 'private' folder on my computer containing a video of 'Never Gonna Give You Up' - just so that, if my laptop ever needs repairing, I can tell the computer repair shop not to look in that folder.

#HugOps to the Microsoft engineers having to deal with whatever fiasco has been visited upon them. But no sympathy for the company that laid off 60k and vibe coded their way to glory.

Nobody wanted to ride in the clown car with you.

Dearest Gertrude,

It is day 96 of the Great Email Outage. The slow pace of our communication by post makes me yearn for you stronger than ever. Especially since the post office has been fucked for many years now. The Polaroids of your bosom are quite welcome. But, alas, they do not hit the same as a JPEG. Please enjoy the enclosed 35mm slide of my nethers.

Yours truly,
Chief

612) Wallbots. Need a wall fast? Let Wallbots assemble themselves for you! They have little retractable legs and hold together using electromagnetism which, unfortunately, means they interact oddly with GPS signals so can't be placed on or parallel to political boundaries. #SmallRobotsRemastered

The funniest thing is we’re now 18 hours into a Microsoft outage and I haven’t seen a single person internally or on social media complain about Copilot being down.

Fuck cancer.

Sorry, but perhaps Microsoft should not be running its own mailserver?

Happy Outlook Outage to everyone who celebrates.

lol imagine being Microsoft and eating shit for a whole day on Friday the 13th

"Programming is not Art"

INT. REDMOND, BUILDING 34. 3:47 AM. A conference room that smells like cold pizza and regret.

Office 365 EVP: Talk to me. Why is Exchange still down?

MID-LEVEL MANAGER (Dave): So, good news and bad news.

EVP: Give me the good news.

DAVE: We found the service that's failing.

EVP: Great. Who owns it?

DAVE: That's the bad news. It's called auth-bridge-final-v2-REAL. The commit history says it was written by "Copilot" and approved by "Copilot."

EVP: Then get the engineer who prompted it.

DAVE: That was Priya. She was in the Q2 "efficiency realignment."

EVP: Her backup?

DAVE: Also realigned. So was her backup's backup. The whole team is a Slack channel now, and the only one in it is a bot that posts "🚀 LGTM" on every PR.

EVP: Fine. Then we read the code and fix it.

DAVE: We tried. It's 340,000 lines of Python that calls a Rust binary that calls a PowerShell script that curls a Gist. The Gist's README just says "dont touch this lol."

EVP: Documentation?

DAVE: One Confluence page called "Architecture (TODO)." Last edited in 2024. The only content is a Mermaid diagram that fails to render.

EVP: Jesus Christ. Can we roll back?

DAVE: To what? The rollback pipeline was also vibe coded. The last time someone ran it, it rolled back to a version that only existed in the AI's hallucination of what the service should look like.

EVP: So what the fuck have we actually been doing for nine hours?

DAVE: Rebooting servers one at a time and praying. Comms is calling that "restarting affected infrastructure."

EVP: ...Is there anyone left who understands how any of this works?

DAVE: Gary.

EVP: Who's Gary?

DAVE: Contractor. 61 years old. He wrote the original Exchange routing logic in 2003 and he's the only one who knows why there's a sleep(7) in the auth handshake. We let him go in January, but HR forgot to disable his VPN.

EVP: Call Gary.

DAVE: Gary says his rate is now $900 an hour, with a 40-hour minimum, and he wants it in writing that he was right about everything.

EVP: ...Pay Gary.

DAVE: Also, the board wants to know if this will affect the AI efficiency numbers for the earnings call.

EVP: Tell them the outage was caused by "an unexpected interaction during a routine change," and that AI agents are "actively assisting with remediation."

DAVE: Are they?

EVP: Copilot opened a ticket.

DAVE: What did the ticket say?

EVP: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"Github should be as reliable as Outlook!"

(A finger on the monkey's paw curls)

We’re continuing to monitor activity across regions to evaluate server status and determine actions that can be taken to improve capacity. This includes reviewing server performance and confirming that developed patches have been applied and working as intended after infrastructure reboots are completed. At this point, we have observed marginal success. In parallel, we’re taking action to expand capacity through the utilization of Virtual Machines.

so what you're saying is, you have no idea what's happening and are throwing shit at the wall and praying to claude?

trying to share on Teams that article about how the French ministry of Education migrated over a million users to nextcloud but something is borken