So. 2am, and I’ve just paid my first ex-wife the last of her 120 maintenance payments. I’ve had this date ringed in my diary for ages, and now that it’s all past tense, and I ought to feel happy, but everything’s washed over me like a huge wave of regret and I am wide awake.
I’ve not begrudged her a penny (and I never missed a payment even when our hobby was shouting at each other down the phone) because I did her bad things, and she did bad things back to me. But she’s got so little to show for the money I’ve given her (medium six figures), and some questionable life choices which really aren’t my business, I’m actually worried for her future.
There was a point where I was doing two full time jobs just so I had money, and that detachment from reality (not to mention untreated PTSD) probably contributed to the end of my second marriage.
I’m 56, living with someone I love, who accepts me as a slightly broken recovering compulsive gambler/spender about to enter the most dangerous phase of being a compulsive gambler/spender - suddenly having a shit ton of money. Christ, I’ve no desire to go there again.
ANYWAY, for the first time since somewhere in the 1990s, I’ve got relative financial freedom and a path to the future that actually looks positive - so let’s try not to eff it up. Thank you for listening to my TED Talk. Might have another go at sleeping now.
@alistaircoleman big hugs, well done for following through to the end, and good luck steering around gambling :)
